Thursday, April 2, 2009

Review: Inkheart

If this blog site would allow me emoticons, and Roger Ebert had theoretically not trademarked his two thumbs review system, I would give this movie two very big thumbs down (N) (N)!!!!
Maybe I was cranky because I was tired, but this was one really bad movie, Brandon Fraser was disappointing, he was sorta acting like a stick, and that little girl in the movie must be down-syndromed or retarded, cus there were times where I was going, please, what are you doing? Such as blurting out Toto's name and revealing to the bad dudes that she could also read shit out of books, or when she gave away to the bad guys that the chick caught in the net was her mom. And there were some serious reality checks needed for the people in this movie, such as this dude named Dustfingers, who keeps on like, double-crossing or screwing over George of the Jungle and his downed daughter, like come on man, if I were George I would have abandoned his ass.

Overall Plot:

George and downed girl searching for books, downed girl has no idea why and bitches about it, does not follow apeman's instructions and some shit happens.

They go to downed girl's great aunt's house, who is played by the Queen. She seems mean, and really weird, like mentally crazy messed.

That dude previously mentioned who will screw over apeman and famjam, does so, the bad people show up. Soon apeman's powers are revealed, we see crazy shit like a unicorn, minotaur, and other fantasmagorical creatures.

There's this really babe chick who can't talk, turns out she's apeman's wifey. Screwjob finds out lets her escape but doesn't actively help to reunite her with her family, and even though he was supposed to help her escape, he unlocks her chains but when she gets stuck under a crumbling building or something, he just leaves her there, like what?

More shit happens, they bring along some thieving dude from Ali Babba or Alladin or something. They go find the author, author gives them manuscript, downed girl finds out she can read too, the Queen bails on them, author backstabs too, everyone's back at the bad dude's castle.

More shit happens, nothing really exciting, turns out the top bad dude kept a copy of that book with him so he could bring some dude named the shadow from the book.

The girl reads, and her pappy had a plan to screw the whole thing up, but downed girl almost f'ed everything up cus she started to read, which I will give her, she had no choice but to, but she read way to fast, like come on, let's not get too excited here downed girl.

Greedy author writes another passage downed girl reads it and all the bad dudes disappear and the castle was lit on fire by Ali Babba and screw-job.

Basically the end.

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